Balogun Olajide
New member
WHEN FIRST NAMES BECOME A LESSON IN CORPORATE ETIQUETTE
I watched the exchange involving Tony Elumelu where a lady addressed him simply as “Tony”, and he immediately corrected how she should address him.
It took me back 27 years.
I joined Standard Trust Bank in 1999, when Tony Elumelu was still a relatively young chief executive and the organisation itself had a very different culture.
At STB then, we largely operated on a first name basis.
Tony was Tony.
As the organisation grew, many of us eventually began calling him TOE
But I remember one particular incident that has stayed with me all these years.
A young man had gone through the recruitment process. In those days, before you finally joined Standard Trust Bank, you still had to meet Tony. He was essentially the final point of approval.
The young man met him.
Tony approved his employment, congratulated him and told him to call him Tony, not “Mr. Tony”.
As the man was leaving, he got to the door, stopped, hesitated and turned around.
He said something along the lines of:
“Mr. Tony, I am sorry. It will be very difficult for me to call you Tony. I am not used to it. It is not part of my culture.”
Tony simply told him:
“Don’t worry. You will get used to it.”
And he did.
That story teaches something important about corporate culture and public etiquette.
Within an organisation, culture can deliberately redefine how people relate.
A company may encourage everyone to use first names because it wants to reduce hierarchy, make leaders accessible and encourage openness. Once you enter that environment, you gradually learn its language and behavioural norms.
But the corporate culture of an organisation SHOULD NOT automatically be exported into every social or public setting.
FAMILIARITY IS CONTEXTUAL.
The fact that employees call a chief executive by his first name internally DOES NOT automatically mean that everybody, everywhere, should address him in the same way.
And the fact that you see someone constantly on television, LinkedIn, Instagram or X DOES NOT MEAN you have acquired a personal relationship with that person.
This is where etiquette matters.
In a formal interview, conference, business engagement or other public setting, the respectful default is to address the person by their appropriate title and surname, such as Mr. Elumelu, Mrs. Adeyemi, Dr. Okafor, Professor Bello or Chairman Elumelu, depending on the context. Use the person’s first name ONLY when they have clearly invited you to do so.
If someone says, “Please call me Tony”, then Tony is perfectly appropriate.
But permission changes the relationship.
ASSUMPTION DOES NOT!
The deeper lesson here is about professional etiquette and understanding context.
Confidence is NOT THE SAME as familiarity, and informality should NEVER be mistaken for sophistication.
Sometimes people become so determined to appear modern, bold or socially equal that they abandon basic professional judgement.
Good etiquette does not make you inferior to another person.
Respecting someone’s office, age, achievement or the formality of an occasion does not diminish you.
It simply shows that you understand context.
Interestingly, I saw both sides of this lesson at Standard Trust Bank 27 years ago.
I saw a leader deliberately creating an informal corporate culture by telling a new employee, “Call me Tony.”
And I saw a young employee whose upbringing made doing so almost psychologically impossible.
Neither story was really about a name.
It was about culture, permission and context.
And perhaps that is the principle worth remembering:
Do not manufacture familiarity simply because you know someone’s first name.
In professional and public relationships, begin with respect.
Let familiarity be given, not assumed.
- Abiodun Adetula
Facebook
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I watched the exchange involving Tony Elumelu where a lady addressed him simply as “Tony”, and he immediately corrected how she should address him.
It took me back 27 years.
I joined Standard Trust Bank in 1999, when Tony Elumelu was still a relatively young chief executive and the organisation itself had a very different culture.
At STB then, we largely operated on a first name basis.
Tony was Tony.
As the organisation grew, many of us eventually began calling him TOE
But I remember one particular incident that has stayed with me all these years.
A young man had gone through the recruitment process. In those days, before you finally joined Standard Trust Bank, you still had to meet Tony. He was essentially the final point of approval.
The young man met him.
Tony approved his employment, congratulated him and told him to call him Tony, not “Mr. Tony”.
As the man was leaving, he got to the door, stopped, hesitated and turned around.
He said something along the lines of:
“Mr. Tony, I am sorry. It will be very difficult for me to call you Tony. I am not used to it. It is not part of my culture.”
Tony simply told him:
“Don’t worry. You will get used to it.”
And he did.
That story teaches something important about corporate culture and public etiquette.
Within an organisation, culture can deliberately redefine how people relate.
A company may encourage everyone to use first names because it wants to reduce hierarchy, make leaders accessible and encourage openness. Once you enter that environment, you gradually learn its language and behavioural norms.
But the corporate culture of an organisation SHOULD NOT automatically be exported into every social or public setting.
FAMILIARITY IS CONTEXTUAL.
The fact that employees call a chief executive by his first name internally DOES NOT automatically mean that everybody, everywhere, should address him in the same way.
And the fact that you see someone constantly on television, LinkedIn, Instagram or X DOES NOT MEAN you have acquired a personal relationship with that person.
This is where etiquette matters.
In a formal interview, conference, business engagement or other public setting, the respectful default is to address the person by their appropriate title and surname, such as Mr. Elumelu, Mrs. Adeyemi, Dr. Okafor, Professor Bello or Chairman Elumelu, depending on the context. Use the person’s first name ONLY when they have clearly invited you to do so.
If someone says, “Please call me Tony”, then Tony is perfectly appropriate.
But permission changes the relationship.
ASSUMPTION DOES NOT!
The deeper lesson here is about professional etiquette and understanding context.
Confidence is NOT THE SAME as familiarity, and informality should NEVER be mistaken for sophistication.
Sometimes people become so determined to appear modern, bold or socially equal that they abandon basic professional judgement.
Good etiquette does not make you inferior to another person.
Respecting someone’s office, age, achievement or the formality of an occasion does not diminish you.
It simply shows that you understand context.
Interestingly, I saw both sides of this lesson at Standard Trust Bank 27 years ago.
I saw a leader deliberately creating an informal corporate culture by telling a new employee, “Call me Tony.”
And I saw a young employee whose upbringing made doing so almost psychologically impossible.
Neither story was really about a name.
It was about culture, permission and context.
And perhaps that is the principle worth remembering:
Do not manufacture familiarity simply because you know someone’s first name.
In professional and public relationships, begin with respect.
Let familiarity be given, not assumed.
- Abiodun Adetula
www.facebook.com